My vitality feels female. It is a soft and sensitive strength.
I connect with it through sexuality, and through self-expression through writing.
If I sit in front of the keyboard and let the writing come I hear a voice express itself that is different from the plodding voice of my internal consciousness. Deborah Kate speaks through the writing. Mirror Sister leads Mirror Brother by the hand.
Mirror Brother's strength is a sad, social, worldly one. He copes, but with increasing weariness. He feels increasingly withdrawn, almost as a political response to this bad world. His pleasures are passive and melancholic: the countryside, poignant music.
Mirror Sister, for so long repressed but also untarnished, is so much younger and fresher. She enjoys the sexy modernity of the internet. It's zappy, it's flashy, it's slick, it's gaudy and exciting.
She can connect to the world, to other inner-people, through a box, in the privacy and comfort of her own home. A box that she can turn off whenever she wishes.
Mirror Brother is stuck with tired old 'real-life' social networks of outer-people, social conventions, all the dull business that the vicissitudes of life demand.
But can too much introspection be unhealthy? Right now Mirror Brother is telling me 'that's enough for now, Deborah; I have to go out and mow the lawn'.
See you later, sisters. x
I can relate to your expression here that my inner girl sometimes feels separate part of me clearly different from my male persona. And sometimes I think that I may have schizophrenia but also rule this out cause I am sane not paranoid or neurotic.
ReplyDeleteHi Elly,
ReplyDeleteIt can be difficult, can't it? I do empathise. I think we all have sub-personalities: some more external, some more internal, some more overt, some more repressed. Of course the trans personalities are likely to be more internal and repressed. You are not schizophrenic.
Good to see you here!
Love,
Debs xx
'that's enough for now, Deborah; I have to go out and mow the lawn'.
ReplyDeleteor as Voltaire put it: "Cela est bien dit, mais il faut cultiver notre jardin." ;)
Thanks, Jonathan. Yes, nice connection!
ReplyDelete