I started this blog when I discovered the term crossdreamer and I recognised myself as someone who fits that description thoroughly. The more I read crossdreamers describing their characteristics, the more I feel I belong as one of them.
It feels good - and strange - to belong. Not only on account of my inner female identity. Generally in life I have been proudly individual, unashamedly a misfit/loner. Communities I associate with thoughless uniformity, with narrw-mindedness and intolerance, with extravert banality and falsehood as opposed to introspective honesty and sensitivity.
Whenever I see my name on a list it feels odd. It reminds me that others see me as just one of the many in that group. I want to say, 'no, I'm not just another, I'm me' - sometimes proud of who I am, sometimes embarrassed, but not just another regular person.
But in the community of crossdreamers I want to take my place. As individual as all the others, but no more so. A regular member of the group.
Belonging to a community isn't just about the possibility of making friends. It can be more like going to a concert by a favourite band, or marching on a political demonstration. When I clap or chant I know I am surrounded by people who share my feelings, feelings that I usually feel on my own. Maybe I'll get talking to some others around me, maybe not, but in any case the connection is sensed.
Any crossdreamers reading this will have their own takes on how much of a community there actually is, how good or bad it actually is, etc. I know there is much division in the broader trans community. But when I see the name Deborah Kate on the Crossdream Life forum, alongside those of all the other girls, that feels good. Early days yet, I know.
Many thanks to all of those who have promoted the concept of crossdreamer, especially to Jack Molay and to everyone at Crossdream Life, which I recommend strongly.
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