Queen screams against war

To continue with the theme of masculinity and badness: I have been reading about war. I want to shudder, nay I want to scream, scream, scream.

Oh, the awful, awful, awfulness of this horrible, horrible mass violence. Destruction, mutilation, and killing - bringing whole lives to a complete end - are the very essence of war.

It seems to be a central practice in our species' culture.

What a ghastly way to settle a dispute. And mostly it is just done for the sake of 'patriotism', or just because of the power-lust of a head of state.

I am not arguing for pacifism. I am not saying one should never kill an aggressor in order to defend innocent lives. I am just aghast at a culture that accepts and even glorifies war, that doesn't scream 'Ye Gods! This is awful! awful! awful!'

So where do I stand? What do I do? One screaming queen amidst it all (or safely to the side of it - for now).

I feel both useless and defiant.

I am just not one for anti-war activism. Anti-war activism often takes on quite a military character, albeit - crucially of course - without the mass violence. Critical qualities are courage, determination to harm the enemy, tactical skill,  practical ability at specific, often quite belligerent, tasks, perhaps a lust for action, perhaps a competitive edge.

I am no good at any of that.

I want to respond to war by putting on make-up and wearing a slinky skirt.

The pink battalion - it's useless but it's pretty.

I refuse to endorse masculine military values. This makes me useless in the resistance against war (to be honest I'd be pretty useless at fighting even if I did endorse them - does this undermine my position?), but it's still a kind of refusal.

So I am not unaware of the context of the horrors of humanity as I apply my mascara. I am not too narcissistic to notice or care.

I'd rather be a screaming queen than a slaughtering soldier. Given the values with which boys are brought up, this seems quite a radical attitude.